Ridiculously, my chest infection has flared up again leaving me feeling very sorry for myself and back in bed, where I seem to have spent most of my time since stopping work.
I decided to use the time constructively this morning by clearing out my emails and I found this one from a friend in America. It was doing the rounds a couple of years ago. You may have seen this before too but when I read it again it brought on a coughing fit as it rendered me helpless with laughter. I bet you can’t get to the end without laughing.
The next time you have a meeting at work and you find it a bit boring, try one of the following. Not only will it make things more interesting but your workmates will become suddenly more alert too!
Go on, I dare you!
During a meeting
– Discreetly clasp hold of someone’s hand and whisper: ‘can you feel it?’ from the corner of your mouth
– Draw a moustache on your upper lip with a felt tip pen and then offer the pen to your neighbour
– Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: ‘I don’t care if there are no dwarves, just get the show done!’
– Write the words ‘he fancies you’ on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen
– Respond to a serious question with: ‘I don’t know what to say, obviously I’m flattered, but it’s all happened so fast’
– Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves rearrange the figures accordingly
– Shave one of your forearms
– Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp
– Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out, announce that you ‘love this dirty town’
– Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat
– Reflect sunlight into everyone’s eyes off your watch face
– Gargle with water
– Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth
– Hum throughout
– Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively
– Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes
– Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids
– Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch
– When referring to someone in the room always call them ‘homey’ or ‘dog’
– Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject shout ‘I HAVE NOT FINISHED’
– Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair
Meetings need never be the same again!